Transformation

“Be transformed.” Romans 12:2

It is possible to achieve your dreams and become the person that you want to be, to meet your best self every day.  Two years ago walking up a flight of stairs would leave me breathless.  I did not engage in any physical activity and my cholesterol level was so high, my doctor was going to put me on medication.  I also smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.  I was 28 years old, and I had been overweight my whole life.  I never played sports and I had always been the fat kid on the play ground.  I had also come to a crossroads in my life with the end of a four-year relationship and a painfully broken engagement. “This experience will define me, it will not destroy me.” These words became my mantra.  I took a hard look at myself: I was grossly obese, unhappy, and alone.  I made a pact with God and myself.  I would commit totally to healing my spirit, mind, and body. And no matter what, I would never give up! As Bernadette Devlin once said, “To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything.”

Now I am 30 years old and in the best shape of my life.  I practice yoga every day, run between 25 and 30 miles per week, lift weights 6 days a week -- and I just got certified as a spinning instructor.  People do not recognize me, and at times I do not recognize myself.  But my physical transformation is nothing compared with my internal one.

123 pounds gone

It’s said that achievement happens when one does something beyond what they have already mastered; unless this happens one will never grow.  I knew nothing about health and fitness and everything about failed diets.  Each diet would leave me heavier and feeling more like a failure.  It amazed me that I could achieve academic success, and yet be such a failure at losing weight.  To be successful at losing weight I knew that I would have to apply the same principles that enabled me to accomplish my academic goals.

On this journey of healing I have met some amazing women: Jean Sevilla, Kaye Whitney from YMCA, and Andi Rieke, my yoga teacher. These women are talented athletes and gifted teachers. I admire them for their willingness to use their gifts to make a positive difference in people’s lives.  Their friendship is a constant source of inspiration to me.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Having over 120 pounds to lose turned out to be a blessing in disguise. That’s because losing so much weight takes a long time; this two year period gave me time to get used to the system. In addition, it’s taken me all that time to mentally and emotionally break my ties to overeating. Every day for the past two years, I wake up in the morning and pray to God for the wisdom, strength, and courage to accomplish what must be done.

How did I do it? 

Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.”  I practice portion control, and I eliminated all processed sugar, white flour, fried foods, and meat.   There are times when I do not make good choices, but instead of letting that be a reason to give up, I pray, analyze what went wrong, and move on. I also started a fitness routine that has evolved in the past two years.

“My fitness program was never a fitness program.  It was a campaign, a revolution, a conversion.  I was determined to find myself.  And, in the process, I found my body and the soul that went with it.” Dr. George Sheehan

I started with yoga, and it became instrumental to my weight loss. Yoga connected me back to myself.  For so long I had lived in shame, fear, and sorrow; it was through yoga that I was able to come to terms with the mess that my life had become.  I forgave myself and others and I was able to let go.  When that happened something inside me changed.  I stopped wanting to lose weight to achieve the “perfect body.” My goal became finding and living as my authentic self and to become the woman that God had created me to be.

Increasing my exercise was a very gradual process. I really enjoyed my yoga, and I started to find that after classes I had enough energy to go for a walk. Soon walking turned into jogging. After a while, I joined the YMCA, where I learned how to use the different cardio machines. Then I took my first spinning class, and I was hooked! 

Then Jean, YMCA Fitness Director, told me after class one day that if I really wanted to change my body, I had to start lifting weights. At first the weight room was intimidating, and I felt very vulnerable – but I did it.  I had no clue how to do anything; Kaye later taught me how to utilize the machines in the weight room.

Eventually my jogging turned into running, and recently I completed my first half-marathon. Finishing that race has inspired me to train for the September Maui Marathon as well as the December Honolulu marathon.   It’s funny, when I first started jogging I used it as a vehicle to run away from all the pain. I now find that when I run, I am running towards my future. Running is a time where I discover who I am, what I’m made of.  I push myself to reach new limits, to know that I can make it.  I do not compete with others, I compete with myself, with the part of me that is tired and says that it is hopeless and impossible.  As Maya Angelou said,

“I am not competing with anyone other then myself. I want to be excellent at whatever I do.”  Running is a time when I meet my best self.  It is not about the results, it is about the process.   I use what I am at that moment to become the person that I know I can be. 

What I learned is: choose wholesome food, eat less, move more, never take your eyes off your goal, ask God for help and you will succeed!  Overeating is a battle that I face every day. I hope that one day it will not be so hard, but until then I will continue to fight my battle armed with the promise that I made to myself. I will never give up and always remember that I am responsible for the choices and changes that I make in my life. 

Never give up!

There are days when it’s hard, and I don’t feel like exercising or watching my diet. That’s when I remind myself that living a disciplined life is not easy -- but it is so much harder to live a life feeling like a failure due to lack of self and God control.  That doesn’t just mean food.  It means having an unhealthy body, bad relationship, and an empty spirit.  I make a conscious choice every day to live a purposeful and honorable life. 

I hope my story will inspire people who are suffering as much as I was.  The strong, confident woman that I am today was born because of the pain that I went through. I used to believe that once I lost the weight my life would be perfect and that all my problems were due to my excess weight.  I was so wrong.   I will fall down in life and get hurt, but now I know how to pick myself up and I don’t stay down for very long.  And that is the difference.  That is success! I think about everything that I’ve gained and lost on this journey. Today, I finally said goodbye to 123 pounds, and hello to the woman that God has transformed me to be.